What I Learned From My Own Elopement
The good and the bad – everything my own Wedding & Elopement experience taught me
I believe getting married is one of the most personal and intimate things you’ll ever do in your life.
And the way you choose to do it shouldn’t be dictated by anyone but you and your partner.
I’ve known this for many, many years, yet when it came to my own wedding in 2024, it was surprisingly hard to remind myself of it.
This post will be about how and why my wife and I chose to elope, what ended up being the right way for us to do it, and the struggles we faced in the process of figuring it out.
(Photos: Sina Tarves Photography)
Instagram vs. Reality
For someone whose literal job it is to plan and capture Elopements, you’d think planning their own wedding would be pretty easy and straightforward. But as it turns out – it isn’t. Or not entirely, at least.
Obviously, I’ve loved the idea of having an Elopement, and it seems so easy too, doesn’t it? Ditch the traditional way of doing things and do whatever feels right to you.
But depending on the circumstances, there can sometimes be a bit more to it than that.
Because sometimes, you want to elope but still don’t 100% enjoy the idea of excluding absolutely everyone.
And actually, for a brief moment, we even considered inviting over 70 guests to an entire wedding weekend and had already found the perfect location for it.
Thankfully, though, we quickly realized that none of that felt even remotely like the right choice for us, so we scrapped it.
But what other solution was out there for us?
The Best of Both Worlds
As I’ve often explained before, an Elopement is usually not where you legally marry. Doing this in a foreign country comes with a lot more difficulties and extra paperwork, which can be tiresome and annoying.
So what ended up being the perfect way for us to do it was this:
Legally marry at home and have a small ceremony with our closest family and friends (we only had 16 guests) – then elope.
After our civil ceremony, we invited everyone to a cozy dinner in my parents’ backyard, which was beautiful.
A few days later, we set off to Sweden as our Elopement destination, a place with great significance for us (now more than ever), where we were joined by our three closest friends. There, we had another ceremony, performed by one of them, which was a symbolic one.
And only at this ceremony did we say our vows and exchange our rings. So to us, THIS felt like our wedding – not signing some legal paperwork.
It was the most intimate, emotional, and heartfelt moment of our lives and couldn’t have been any more perfect. We then stayed in Sweden for 10 days, made a vacation/honeymoon out of it and loved every minute.
And looking back, it was exactly the right approach and truly the best of both worlds.
Our parents and siblings could witness us getting married, yet by eloping afterward, we still had something that was only for us and perfectly reflected who we are.
So, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. And while I LOVE many couples’ decision to only do the Elopement part, it wasn’t quite the right choice for my wife and me.
Seeing this entire process from the other side for the very first time was fascinating to me. So up next comes everything I’ve learned along the way and the entirely new perspective it gave me.
Opinions, Judgement, Expectations
Now, I won’t go into too much detail here, but we were, let’s say, surprised by the number of opinions thrown our way.
And I absolutely know – no one has any bad intentions when offering their advice or means any harm. But man, this was on such a small scale, and I can’t even imagine what this must be like when you invite 100+ people to your wedding.
To many, weddings are there to be seen – which means they’re there to be judged. And knowing you’ll be judged for some of the most personal choices you’ll ever make surely doesn’t feel nice.
I had severely underestimated this part of wedding planning and can only raise my hat to every couple who at least tries to try to meet everyone’s expectations.
Interestingly, though, all of this only regarded our civil wedding. When it came to our Elopement, everything was SO much easier and smoother – like day and night.
But to be fair, eventually, the civil wedding turned out great too, and everyone had an amazing time, which we really enjoyed.
And also, a few of our choices might seem a bit controversial to some. Not inviting any extended family, serving a fully vegan buffet from a tiny Syrian takeaway, not booking a location, etc. So there’s that, I guess.
Yet the point is – I get it, yes, but I don’t really care.
Intimacy Overpowers Anxiety
Weddings and their planning can make you feel anxious – to a certain extent at least. And the bigger the wedding, the more decisions you’ll need to make, and the more things exist to give you said anxiety in the first place.
But who would’ve thought (me, actually) – stripping all of this away by choosing to elope simply makes it disappear. Just like that.
The day of our civil ceremony, I was quite nervous. And anxious, too. But at our Elopement? None of it.
This tiny, intimate setting felt so natural, real, and fun – it’s pretty difficult to describe, actually.
There’s truly nothing more stress-free than this – it’s crazy, really.
Big Weddings Can be a Challenge For Introverts
Before fully transitioning to Elopements, I photographed big weddings for almost a decade. And of course many couples had an amazing time, but it broke my heart to see how some of them couldn’t really enjoy the day they put so much effort and money into.
I often saw the tension and anxiety firsthand, which is definitely not what one of the most beautiful days of your life should be about.
And like I said before, for a brief moment, my wife and I also thought about having more than 70 guests with us for an entire wedding.
But truth be told – that’s the kind of wedding I’d love to be a guest at, but surely not a host.
Experience Over Everything
Yes, when you’re eloping, the photos are, of course, important – they’re what will be with you forever.
But if having my own Elopement made me realize one thing more clearly than ever – it’s that the photos come second. The experience comes first.
Having a day that lights you up, being in a place that makes you feel alive and experiencing something that will be a true core memory for the rest of your life – that cannot be topped by anything.
An Elopement is the most fun, exciting, and fulfilling vacation day or honeymoon day ever.
It’s about nothing but you and your partner, your love and this incredible promise you’ll give each other.
But I mean, if having a day like this also turns into amazing photos, that’s truly the icing on the cake, isn’t it?
My Advice to You
If I can give you one thing to take with you from this post and my entire wedding/Elopement experience, it’s this:
LISTEN TO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT FOR YOU!
And don’t sacrifice one of your life’s greatest days to please everyone but yourself!
Make it something that excites you. Make it yours.
Because at the end of it all, you’ll be the one whose core memory it will be.
